Who I am

There is one question in my mind
that I don't have an answer for.
It's the simple question
who I am.

I'm a small soul
wandering around
in this world of darkness.
Only going forward to find
the light.
I'm just hiding behind words,
that let me forget the world for some minutes,
I flee into daydreams
into other worlds,
that I created within my mind
so I don't have to face reality.
I daydream, of a better world
a world I'm to afraid to face.
I'm just looking in the past,
and thinking about the idiot I was.
Only writing down those words
afraid of everything that might happened
and that maybe already has happened.
Truth, Lies, Reality.
I can't tell what is truth anymore
or what is a lie.
And I don't want to be able to.
Acting as if I'm alright,
I put on a fake smile.
Those around me should not worry.
I am the only one who should suffer.
Because, I'm already broken, so it does not matter
if I'm hurt more than I already am.
But all of this pain I burden does not hurt me.
The only thing that hurts me, that makes me suffer
is the fact, that I don't know if you're alright.
I can't remember who I was before
but I try to imitate that person as good as I can.
This 'me' of before has died a long time ago.
I can barely remember him.
My memories don't reach far into the past.
They start some years ago.
But I don't want those memories back.
They might be been important to the me back then,
but now I don't care about the past anymore.
I might have died on the way to become the person I am
and 'I' might not be the same person as the one who died before.
You ask again, who I am?
Sometimes I say I'm just a poet,
an other time a living dead.
There are so many other names I've given myself
Idiot, coward, brave warrior,
and so many more.

But if I'm honest, I think, that
I'm nothing more than a boy
who can't be with the girl he loves.